At 11.35 pm, there were numerous reports of the ground shaking and the earth moving. Local news reports indicate that many calls were made to 000 and thousands flocked to facebook groups and twitter. The question that needs to be asked is what really happened on Friday night just before midnight. As always the internationally recognised expert team here at WorldofWookie.com is ready with the answers you need.
Sure there are going to be some who point to the obvious and somewhat more logical reasonings behind the ‘earthquake”. These will include scientificly “proven” ideas concerning the movement of tectonic plates, magma movement, overpressure and fault lines, as well as other such mumbo jumbo designed only to confuse the average layman. As always we here at the WorldofWookie aim to keep it real, and as such we’ve come up with a few reasonable AND plausible hypothesis for you to consider.
With the forced retirement of Micheal Atkinson, well known crusader for christian values in the gaming market, and the anticipated gradual slide into the kind of territory previously occupied by such cities as Sodom and Gommorah, one can only wonder if these earthquakes are but a foreshadowing of an approaching apocalypse of doom where a wrathful God metes out justice on all of those who persecuted the former minister. Thats right kids, if you voted for Gamers4Croydon you are probably going to hell. And not that I would be surprised if he took a dim view of Adelaide and its residents either. Our city is slowly degrading into the kind of filth that can only cleansed by a righteous fire. The streets are littered with drug addicts, pornographers, gang members, and port power supporters.
This may well be the first in a rapid series of plagues and tribulations forced upon us by the electoral indiscretions of a few malcontents. The book of Revelation encourages us to believe that this is but another step toward the return of Christ. (If you are a pre-millenialist and still here, how stupid do you feel now.) And when Christ returns you know he is going to be angry. And then they will cry out for Atkinson and he will laugh at you all while sipping cocktails in the bar with the Holy Spirit.
The second hypothesis is that something sinister is going on on the outskirts of our fair city. For years the government has told us that there were few ill effects on persons from nuclear testing at maralinga in the 50s. This information was correct. Affected people merely moved underground, out of sight for the next 60 years, merely biding there time, stockpiling weapons and supplies, while formulating a plan to wreak havoc on the surface dwelling population. Of course I speak of the Mole people.
Seen in various films and tv series over the years, the truth is far more terrifying. The molemen are real and they are believed to have perfected earthquake machines while testing space age technologys to create a better kind of razor blade. The molemen believe that they have been abandoned by society and can no longer tolerate the injustice. Lead by their diminutive leader, Hans Moleman, the molemen are expected to use their earthquake machines for evil rather than good, after years of oppression and forced labour, first as dwarves in Snow White, as oompa loompas in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory, and god only knows how many dwarf tossing competitions over the years. The Mole people have had enough. A video recieved by the Federal police has Hans reportedly saying protests and petitions just wont do after 60 years of mistreatment.
So there you have it, as we speak thousands of mole people are ready to make your world crumble at the slightest push of a button. I for one, welcome these mole overlords and will assist in whatever way possible by rounding up dissenters, activists and the irish. You of course, can make your own judgements but I prefer to be on the winning side. Ive seen the future and its not pretty. Thousands upon thousands of mole people treating us like cattle, taking our prettiest females and pressing them into harems for the entertainment of the mole lords, and killing off the old and feeble and feeding them to the rest of us in milkshakes.
Stay tuned for more news.